Friday, December 10, 2010

Happy "Birth" Day

In all honesty, this post was supposed to come on December 6.  Instead, I've spent the week with the flu.  Not just a bad cold or a wacky virus...but the real deal, can't-get-out-of-bed, feel-like-I'm-gonna-die, watch-18-hours-of-consecutive-Food-Network flu.  I'm pretty sure this is first time I've ever had the actual flu...AND THIS IS ALSO THE FIRST YEAR I'VE EVER HAD A FLU SHOT.  Yes, I'm yelling.  I'm not a big fan of flu shots, but needed to get one this year so I can qualify for my doula volunteer work at the local hospital.  Needless to say, a week of my life down the toilet.  Annoying.

Anyway, December 6 was Lulu's 21st month and 27th day birthday.  This was the exact age MDB was when she was born.  For some reason, I remember MDB being older.  Perhaps it was wishful thinking at the time, bringing a newborn home or the fact that I'm not ready for my baby girl to turn 2.  I also don't really know how I did it.  As fun as 22 months is (and it truly is...oh, the things that come out of her mouth!) is NON-STOP (yelling again!).  She plays by herself for about 25 seconds at a time and is needing a lot of attention in the bedtime department.  Being the ever-so-calm person that I am, how I did this stage and a newborn is beyond me. 

The older and older they get, the happier I am that they're so close in age.  Just today, Lulu woke MDB from his nap with hugs and kisses and MDB wouldn't leave for school without a hug from his sister, just precious.  MDB tells people his "very best friend" is his sister and Lulu never gets a snack or a treat, without getting one for her big brother.  My heart literally melts when I see them interacting like this.  I had a friend, who also has kids 22 months a part, tell me "if you can get through the first year, life will be amazing."  She was SO right (and, annoyingly, usually is about this stuff). 

For some reason, I felt it very important to mark the milestone.  So, to commemorate, let me share some of my most precious memories of my beautiful daughter:

1.  She is the most verbal child I've ever met (which is scary, since my Mom said the same thing about me).  She tells you to "top it" when you are bothering her and said to her brother the other day, FIRST NAME, MIDDLE NAME...TIME OUT, when he was misbehaving.  She will repeat ANYTHING you say and speaks in full sentences, it's actaually shocking sometimes.
2.  Woa, does she have a sweet tooth.  Just tonight, when I put her to bed, she asked me for cookies, candy, cream (ice cream) and posicles (popsicles).  I also know this will be the first thing she wants when she gets up tomorrow.  She also NEVER forgets.
3.  She gives a mean dirty look (she may or may not have gotten this from me).
4.  Still bald as can be...I seriously cannot wait for pigtails. 
5.  She is such a snuggler, which I love, of course.
6.  The child is a bookworm.  She knows most of her books by heart and always wants to read.  She even sleeps with books in her bed and I find her hugging them in the middle of the night.
7.  She is starting to show interest in her new obsession Abby Cadabby.  It's funny to me that she found Abby in some of the Elmo books we had.  MDB never noticed her, not once. 
8.  She flirts her way through the grocery store, batting her baby blues, capturing the hearts of pretty much anyone that passes her by.  And, to top it off, she gets visibly annoyed if someone ignores her.  She will literally start yelling "HI" and her name until they turn around and wave to her.  And, when they do, she will put her face in her hands, acting shy.  I know, we're in for it with this one!

My plan is to cling tight to the next two months while I still officially have a baby.  I can't bear the thought of her graduating out of her sleepsack, crib, footie PJs and yes, even the diapers!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Thomas Intervention Needed

Things have gotten out of control at our house and Thomas The Train is to blame.  My sweet little boy, as are most of the little boys I know, is OBSESSED with Thomas.  

To clarify, I do love the little wooden toy trains (even though I know they are probably laced with poisonous paint and other toxic chemicals).  He plays with them for hours and hours which forces him to use his imagination and exercise his brain putting the tracks together. 

It's the television show that I worry about.  I actually can't believe it's on the air.  The trains are SO mean to each other, always in the worst mood, condescending, angry and use words like "stupid" and "hate."  There is never a lesson learned, a catchy tune or anything even the least bit teachable.  I know what you are thinking, that's my job.  I get that and I limit the TV time to an hour or so a day, but there are times (like 5 a.m., don't even get me started on how much I dislike Daylight Savings Time...that is another post entirely) when only the TV will do.  He used to love shows like The Backyardigans, Little Einsteins, Handy Manny and Special Agent Oso...but now, it's all Thomas, all the time!  

Any tips out there for introducing some new programming in our house before my son starts being as grumpy as that annoying little blue train and his so-called friends?

Friday, November 5, 2010

The One

I met "the one" in high school.  I actually remember the day AB, a senior to my junior, came up to my locker to talk to me.  AB was a cool guy...he was popular (whatever that means now, but it meant a lot then), a macho hockey player, was known for his amazing parties during school hours and a ladies man.  He was the kinda guy that teachers loved to hate...he would get in trouble and then talk himself out of it with his charm and wit.  And, he liked me!  We dated for one blissful week and then he broke up with me in a note.  Just like that. 

To be honest, I didn't think too much about AB during college.  But, I remember so well the summer of 1999...when I ran into him at the gym.  Since I'm not...and have never been...a gym buff, I think it's fate that put me on that elliptical trainer that day.  I remember rolling my eyes to my friend, as I saw him across the room.  And, giggled to her when he started making his way over to me to chat.  But, after all, he was still charming, funny and cute, and he coaxed my phone number out of me.  After a few weeks of making him beg, I finally agreed to a date.  And, the rest is history! 

Today, November 5, is our five year wedding anniversary.  What a wild, amazing, perfect adventure it has been.  And, on a side note, fate also never let me throw that "break up" note away...which I ever so gently reminded him of in POSTER SIZE at our rehearsal dinner!

I can't help but smile when I think back to the party guy, with the bangs, who picked me up for our first HS date in a white, old-school Chrysler Fifth Avenue... the amazing man I married, who along with being the best husband and Dad in the entire world, never lost that charm and wit that attracted me in the first place.  And, now here we are, 11 years later, happily married with two amazingly, beautiful and perfect kids.  Me, I still feel like that young girl when I look at him, thankful and lucky that he picked me. 

Happy anniversary to the love of my life. 

Thursday, November 4, 2010

High Hopes

When I started my blog last October, I had high hopes.  It was kinda like when I was in college and assumed that just because I was at a top rated journalism school and was semi-cute, I could just bypass the normal progression of working your way through small town TV stations and just be the next co-host of The Today Show.  Yeah, no.  Same as when I was waiting to get "discovered" in my early years as the next child movie star prodigy.  Guess they were looking for someone a little taller?!?  I just assumed that my blog would gain instant popularity.  In reality, I guess you actually have to, you know, write...on a regular basis.  Not sure once a month is gonna fly.  

I've been giving myself a lot of grief about my sub-par blogging efforts.  There's so much I want to say and remember.  Sometimes it's hard to put my feelings into words, other times I think things are too silly and trivial to put out there and other times I'm just downright lazy.  Then tonight it hit me that the thing I started as an outlet, a keepsake and my personal therapy was turning into just another thing to feel guilty about for not doing.  So, moving forward my promise is first cut myself a little slack and be proud of the days I DO post. And, second try to do a better job updating -- not for any other reason than I know I'll want to remember and relive these memories as the kids get older!

So, here is what has been going on in my world for the past month:

1.  We had our first (and g-d willing last) trip to the ER with Lulu.  Why, you ask?  Well, my darling daughter put a dried blueberry up her nose.  Oh yes, she did.  I couldn't get it out -- you try telling a 20 month old how to hold one nostril closed and blow out the other.  I figured it would come out on its own and it didn't seem to bother her in the slightest.  Just in case, I called the pediatrician and the nurse told me I needed to take her to the ER immediately.  Really?!?  I guess because the back of the nose and the airway are connected, you can't mess around.  I obliged and after an hour of sitting in the waiting room, it came out on its own.  (I couldn't believe how much a dried blueberry reconstitutes with snot...yes, the mental image is just as gross as the real thing).  Thank goodness it did, because I couldn't decide which was worse, the heartache watching all the families coming in with very sick kids or worrying that I had my perfectly healthy child around all those germs.  And, I also wouldn't be me if I didn't admit that I was slightly panicked because my baby was an hour past her bedtime. 

2.  On the same subject, my Mom rocks!  My hubby wasn't home during operation-blueberry-extraction-so-we-don't-have-to-go-to-the-ER.  When I realized that we had to go, I couldn't reach AMB on his cell.  So, I called my Mom so she could come over and stay with MDB.  A few minutes later, I heard from the hubs, so I called my mom back and told her not to worry.  She evidentially heard that ever-so-slight panic in my voice and even though she was SO tired and was just getting home from work, she came with me to the hospital anyway!  She never ceases to amaze me, with her deep kindness and calming presence.  Thanks Mom!

3.  Oh, and I come to learn that someone's big brother (not naming any names) had spent lunch that day teaching his baby sister, who mimics EVERYTHING, how to stick food objects up her nose.  The big brother in question acted so innocently when informed of his sister's misgivings...

4.  One of my very best camp friends came to Chi-town for the weekend.  It was so incredible to see her and spend quality time just the two of us.  It was also so heartwarning watching her interact with my kids and how they took to her instantly. 

5.  On the doula front, I've officially joined the ranks as a volunteer doula with the amazing Chicago Volunteer Doulas group.  It's perfect for me since I can pick and choose my 12 hour shifts monthly.  And, to do it for women in need, I can't imagine anything better and more fulfilling than that.  I'm hoping to get on the schedule for December and I honestly can't wait to be a part of my first birth. 

6.  MDB has reached an epic infatuation with Disney Pixar Cars.  Our house has been taken over by little cars with eyes and his ongoing Chanukah/Christmas list will keep The Disney Store in business for a long time to come. 

7.  Halloween was a big success for my pirate and my ladybug.  Unlike every other child in America, MDB wasn't very excited about putting on a costume and trick-or-treating.  He was finally coaxed out of the house in costume with a mini Milky Way bar and seemed to enjoy.  And, Lulu...well, she loved every moment!

8.  Speaking of Lulu, it seems we have a girl with a serious sweet tooth.  Her new favorite words are cookies, cake, candy and cream (for ice cream).  She starts every morning by opening the freezer, grabbing the "cream" and climbing into her highchair.  I try to explain that ice cream isn't appropriate at 5:45 a.m., but I'm not sure she agrees. 

9.  We went to Vegas in early October with four other couples -- just like last year.  We had an incredible time and, after a weekend of losing, literally on the way out of the hotel to the airport I won $1,000, hitting a spin on a Wheel of Fortune slot machine.  What a way to end an alreay perfect vacation!

So, that's it for now.  'Til next time...which could be tomorrow or could be next month! 

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

All I Can Say Is WOW!

If you read my last post, then you know all about my Doula training workshop that I did last weekend.  It was, quite possibly, one of the most amazing, educational, inspiring, unique, special things I've ever participated in, in my life.  Truly and hands down.  My brain is filled with so much information that I didn't know before, I'm having a hard time sleeping, trying to sort through it all.

While I now know everything from how to use a fetoscope to labor positions to breathing techniques to common (and now I know VERY overused) medical interventions, my biggest take-away is that, as a doula, it will be my quest to help women (and their partners) have their best birth possible, whatever that looks like to them.  To share information they need to be able to make well-informed decisions, regret free.

I really, really tried to not make any of the session personal, which was hard since I was the only woman in the room (out of 17) that made the decision to have an epidural...twice.  I didn't feel judged, but I also really did -- hard to explain.  But, there were others with regrets too...from the woman that dreamed of a home birth that couldn't to the one that needed pitocin to jump start labor when she only wanted things done the natural way.

And, it was a little emotional as well.  I tried to listen objectively as the instructor was talking about how epidurals can cause the baby to move down the birth canal at an awkward angle.  And, how this can cause shoulder dystocia.  My Lulu had this when she was born.  I'm thankful each and every day that my amazing doctor (and my amazing body, by the way) was able to get her out before any permanent damage.   Also, an epidural includes some heavy duty narcotics that are passed through the bloodstream to the baby.  I didn't know.  And, more disturbing, I never asked...even as it was being injected in my spine.  I couldn't hold back my emotions knowing that because I made the decision to ease my pain, I put my beautiful daughter at risk.  I don't know if I would have made different decisions -- hindsight is always easier -- but I wish I knew more then.

I think there is a reason the training is an entire, almost uninterrupted weekend.  It gives women, like me, the opportunity to process and sometimes grieve their own choices in a therapeutic/safe way, so that we can forgive ourselves and move on to helping others.  That is how I feel now. 

As a next step, I'm in the process of signing up for a wonderful organization that offers free doula support to women/families in need.  It is perfect for me, since I can pick and choose my 12 hour shifts. 

I don't know what my future holds in this line of work, but I do know that I will make it my mission to ensure a woman never walks into a delivery again without full knowledge so she can make informed decisions when it comes to her birth.   I don't want anyone to walk away from the magnificent joy and miracle of childbirth with regrets.

I can't wait to see how this new journey unfolds!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Where to Start...

My son's late (and later and later and later) bedtime has thrown my world into a slight tailspin.  Aside from no longer getting important things done at night (like, say...watching trashy television and reading my gossip magazines), gone is my time to collect my thoughts and write. 

MDB is at that strange needs-a-nap but napping-makes-bedtime-a-disaster stage.  His bedtime routine has gotten to the point that it's a battle until he finally passes out from exhaustion, sometimes as late as 9:30 p.m.  I turn into a pumpkin at 10, so what's a girl to do?  We are trying to shorten his nap to 1.5 hours...hoping for a miracle and a quiet household by 8!  And, of course, I wouldn't be me if I wasn't constantly worrying about the lack of sleep and late bedtime (Weissbluth would just shake his head in disgust) and the impact it will have on his overall health and well being.

My wonderful husband makes fun of me because I attribute EVERYTHING in the kids' lives to, as he says, "my research on my dissertation in the sleep patterns of my children".  He's right...I laugh when I catch myself associating every single bout of crabby-sick-wired-clingy-aggressive behavior to the quality and quantity of their sleep.

Anyway...I regress.  Let me get to the true point of my post.  I've so been wanting to write about what I'm about to partake in this hard finding the time.  But, here is goes...

I'm finally realizing my dream of becoming a doula.  This weekend is my hands-on, intensive training seminar.  The session is focused on all aspects of being a birth partner...from massage to emotional support to learning to decipher the stages of labor to understanding the entire delivery and pre-and-post natal process.  And, of course, to make sure we understand this isn't for the faint of heart, I will also be partaking in a hands-on "physical" examination of other session participants. 

And, the best part is that I can do this knowing I can realize my dream and not have it impact my life too much!  I found a wonderful doula-group that is looking for part-time Doula's to be on call only during the weekend, as little or as often as I want.  I mean, how perfect is that?  This is also a chance to get trained on post-partum (baby care) and lactation.  And, if nothing else, part of my certification is to witness 6 births.  In my opinion, there is nothing more amazing than that!

Why this new passion?  Overall, I'm pretty obsessed with pregnancy.  I think it could be that I'm surrounded by it at work, as its part of my job is to manage maternity leaves and there are a TON of them right now!  And, my friend/co-worker is expecting a baby girl in December and I've pretty much been her go-to on all things pregnancy and baby...and I LOVE it!  I could sit and talk to women all day about pregnancies, delivery, breast feeding, baby care and more! 

And, I also have regrets from my own delivery.  When Lulu was born, my water broke at 5 a.m. and by the time I got to the hospital an hour and a half later, I was already 7 centimeters dilated.  My contractions were so close that I had no reprieve in between.  I must have asked the hospital valet for my epidural 19 times while I was waiting for the wheelchair.  Poor guy.  I ended up getting it -- at about 7:30 a.m., when I was 9 centimeters. 

I never really considered having a natural, drug-free birth.  My pain tolerance is non-existent.  But, thinking back, I was SO close.  I probably would have delivered her within the hour...not 6 hours later since the epidural slowed things down so much. 

Now, I know how lucky I am that I got to deliver both of my children at the world-class Prentice Women's Hospital in Chicago.  I have heard more stories than I can count about the life-saving measures and care provided.  And, I adore my doctor, who stayed at the hospital after a night on call to deliver me!  But, what I can't stop thinking about is the fact that during the entire delivery process NO ONE (from the MEAN triage nurse to the delivery nurses to the students to the doctors) gave me ANY advice on how to work through the pain.  I know I was asking (okay, begging) for my epidural, but why didn't the trained staff recognize how close I was and give me some pointers for getting through the pain and letting my body take over? 

I want to be there for other women, so they don't have to look back in hind-site with regrets. 

I realized not too long ago that my desire to have another baby has absolutely nothing to do with actually wanting another child -- I just want to get another chance to be pregnant (which I LOVED) and do the birth process again.   Since, that is only something Octomom would do...I will instead work to help others in their journey to motherhood! 

I will let you know how it goes and wish me luck!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

3 Going On 13

I just look at my son with awe and amazement these days – he is growing up so fast.  Too fast.  I grabbed him last night and made him look me in the eyes and promise me he wouldn’t get any bigger and that he'd stay my baby forever.  Poor kid…he looked at me like I was nuts and said, “but I want to be a grown up like you, Mommy.” Man, I love my boy.

I really love his age, almost three and a half.  It seems like all of the sudden, we don't have a toddler anymore.  He wants to do everything himself, is crazy opinionated (“aaactually mom, I don’t like red grapes anymore, I like green ones now”), makes everything a negotiation and his vocabulary, whoa, the things that come out of his mouth. Yes, even when he shouted "you missed a spot, dammit” to the neighborhood gardeners the other day. It wasn't my proudest moment -- but the hubby and I got a pretty good laugh about it later and at least he used it in the correct context, right?

He is telling me things he is learning in school (a HUGE plus that all the dough we are shelling out for preschool is paying off) and has a new best friend.  His teachers let me know that there was a new boy in school and MDB and him are practically inseparable. I mean they hug in the morning like they haven’t seen each other in about 10 years…it is adorable.

This is going to come out wrong, but I really wanted him to have some friends his own age...that are boys.  While I know he will love this in about 15 years, he has spent his early years playing with mostly girls, mostly older girls.  My little one is a rough and tumble kinda kid…and the girls don’t always seem to dig his – how do I say it, tenacity and spirit.  MDB and his new, adorable friend (with an awesome mom to boot) played together for 3 hours without one single incident/tear/fight.  Amazing.  Needless to say, we have about 10 more dates planned in the coming weeks!

Lately, I've just been trying to sit back and remember this amazing time in his life.  Even last night when I was putting him to bed and he said in his most adorable little voice, “Can you get Daddy to put me to bed...your breath stinks."

Monday, August 23, 2010

What's In Your Wallet?

For those along on my journey to rid the world (read = anything that touches or is ingested by my kids) of toxic chemicals, I came across a really great resource today from the Healthy Child, Healthy World organization.  They developed clever Pocket Shopping Guides for everything ranging from healthy sunscreen to healthy cleaning products to safer plastics and more. 

Why I don't see myself making my own baby wipes anytime soon (Seventh Generation work for me), there are also some great tips on preferred brands, label decoding, ingredients to avoid, shopping tips and other resources all on a little, fit in your wallet, card.  Check 'em out, here!

It's the little things, right?

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Happy Mommy!

I've been a very happy mommy lately and I just wanted to share. 

What prompted this feel-good moment?  Well, there was an article in NY Magazine this week, Why Parents Hate Parenting, that hit home.  As I read, I realized that I too have a tendency to point out the woes of parenting instead of the amazing pleasures and I too forget amongst the daily grind how much joy my children bring me each and every single day.

But, I also realized that lately I have been feeling, well different.  Quite honestly, I have been truly looking forward to quality time spent with my kids.  It's not that I didn't before, but I don't find myself craving that alone/nap/bed time as much as I used to...or at all.  And, frankly, I really miss them when I'm not with them!  I even planned my weekly grocery shopping trip for naptime, so I didn't have to miss one second of my precious weekend together time!

I think a few things contributed to this mindset shift:  1) The kids are getting older and are really fun to be with.  2) Lulu has been having a hard time when I leave and getting pretty clingy when I'm home (which I secretly love)!  3)  They are growing up so fast and I don't want to miss a thing!  4) MDB is 3 going on 13.  He seems to learn something new everyday and says the most hilarious, thought-provoking things.  Case in point:  Mommy, "MDB, quiet please, you are having a time out for pushing your sister".  MDB, "I know Mommy, but I wanted to tell you what a great job you are doing making breakfast."  I find myself laughing a lot.  5)  Not wanting to leave them is just another excuse to NOT have to hit the gym! 

Who knows, life could be different if the kids start waking up at 5:30 a.m. again (last week we had an amazing-everyone-sleeps-past-6:30 a.m. week!), but right now I'm having a love affair with Mommyhood!

Saturday, June 26, 2010

To Be 15 Again!

Yes, I'm in this picture...hint the jeans are tightrolled.  What can I was the 80s!

At this moment, I wish I was 15 years old again, spending my summer in the heart of the Adirondack mountains, on quite possibly the most beautiful lake in the entire world.  This has been happening to me every June since first summer not spent at sleep away camp.

I'm green with envy.  Today is the first day of camp at Point O' Pines and even though I am grown, married and have kids of my own, I can't help but feel jealous.  If I had the chance, I would go back in an instant.  Call me crazy...nope, just obsessed.

Right now, as taps has already blown, the girls are settling down into their bunks for their first night.  The little ones with mixed feelings...some missing home while other's jump right in, as if they never left.  Then, there are the new girls that are scared of the unknown.  They are completely unaware of the fact that their lives are about to change...forever.  And, then there are the girls that are more excited than they have ever been in their lives, yet deep down the pit has already started to form in their stomach knowing this is the last summer they get to do this.  I have been in each of their shoes and I truly know what lies ahead.

Even after all these years, I can still close my eyes are hear the buzz of the dining room, the ring of the activity bell through the trees (sorry girls, the majestic pines), the sound of shoes on the pebble lined street and the creaking of the bunk doors.  I can still hear the whirl of the boats and the waves lapping on the base of the campfire circle.  I can taste the candy we were never supposed to have and the watered down bug juice.  There are songs that I hear on the radio now, that will forever have different words and I can't hide my smile when I see a little girl in a French braid, Keds and or a white t-shirt and blue shorts.

For some reason, it's very hard for me to describe in words everything that camp has added to my life.  I think I knew at 7 years old that I was experiencing something so very special. That feeling has not faded and no matter where my life has taken me, I always feel at home on the grounds of camp or with my camp friends.

And, speaking of my dear, dear friends...we always just pick right up where we left off.  We reminise and laugh, telling the same stories we have for years.  It's hard to explain to those that didn't get to experience sleep away camp, what these friendships mean. 

My parents went to camp as did their parents before them. It's in my blood. They realized all the potential, learning opportunities, independence and fun that was ahead of me when they put my little 7 year-old self on a plane from Chicago to Albany...alone...for 8 weeks. Now that I am a mom, I can't really imagine what that felt like -- but they did it for me and I'm so glad that they did!

So, I will go to sleep tonight wishing I was wrapping up a game of jacks, checking out my new winnings after "gambling for stationery" and crawling into my squeaky bottom bunk with my Archie comics, fan at my feet and my best friends around me!

Friday, June 25, 2010

What Happens In Vegas...

The first weekend of June I went to Vegas to celebrate WMZs bachelorette party. I'm just writing this now, because I think I just recovered. I was never the real get-down-and-dirty party type, so TWO nights in a row of seeing the early morning hours required almost a full month of recovery. In all honesty, I have been wanting to write this post for a while, but I can't seem to get my sh*& together these days.

What a priveledge it was to be a part of her weekend, watching my lifelong friend surrounded by those that love her the most.  The bride-to-be was radiating with happiness and you could tell by watching her tht she was just trying to soak in each and every moment, hoping it wouldn't end. WMZ is one of the most loyal, open hearted people I know and she deserved a weekend with all eyes and hearts on her!

Years ago a trip like this...seeing old friends and getting to know new ones better...would have sent me into a tailspin of panic. I would have plucked-waxed-highlighted-cut-painted-shopped-fasted-zit creamed myself into oblivion. I have to say the best part of getting older is that I'm now pretty comfortable in my own skin. I mean for me to done a bathing suit and not have to take a Zanax, well it was a breakthrough!

The weekend also made some of my deepest regrets rear their ugly head. I have lost touch with some really great friends along the way. I never was good with transitions, like from high school to college and college to the real world. I think during times of change, I'm afraid of getting hurt or being forgotten, so I back away first. I have some amazing friends from high school and college that I didn't work as hard a I could have (should have) to keep in touch. Being with some of them over the weekend made me realize what I lost. You can't go back in time...just learn for the next time, right?

P.S. Congratulations to my blogger friend La La Land. Girls are so much fun. And, now that you know you are going to get your girl...I am SO glad I had my boy first! Big brothers rock!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Power Of Positive Thinking

I've been an absentee blogger lately, I know.  Not that anyone is peeled to their computer anxiously awaiting my updates, but I feel bad none-the-less.  Never in my life have I been short of words but lately I haven't had much to say.  I guess I just wasn't inspired.  Not even the recent infant/children's Tylenol/Motrin recall or the news that certain sunscreens are actually increasing the risk of cancer did the trick to get me going on one of my tangents. 

My lack of inspiration could stem from the fact that I get a majority of my news from People magazine and the little screen in the elevator during the 42-second ride to my office.  Since the earthquake disaster in Haiti, I have pretty much sworn off watching or reading the news.  Not a great idea, I know.  But, I honestly cannot watch any more horribly depressing stories about bad things happening to good people.  The fact that Jesse cheated on Sandra is about all I can handle.

Or, it could be the fact that I'm pretty much a Weight Watchers drop out.  I have been really good about getting to the gym, but the 20 points of food a day, well, it was hard to make it last through lunch.

Or, perhaps its the fact that I've been working a ton trying to get a big project off the ground at work.  And, the one TV show my husband and I could agree on, Lost, ended for good and I heard that Michelle Duggar may be pregnant again.  Oh, and MDB has 102 fever and starting The Pill again has made me break out adolescent style.  Big sigh. 

So, to knock the debbie out of this downer, here are some of the good things going on in my life:

1.  I got to witness the Chicago Blackhawks clinch the conference title in a sweep to head to the Stanley Cup finals.  Very cool. 

2.  We had an amazing weekend in Michigan, seeing some of the hubbys family we haven't seen in a long time. 
3.  My kids are getting to the ages where they can play together -- safely.  I got 15 minutes to myself while they actually entertained each other.
4.  Lulu now has enough hair to use a bow.  She won't keep it in, but hey, I'm only focusing on the positives here!
5.  A long-time friend from my amazing WNBC-TV internship in college had her third beautiful baby boy and my favorite set of twins are now proud aunts to another set of twins. 
6.  I'm going to Las Vegas in 10 days and again in October.
7.  My cousin and her kids are coming in for the weekend!
8.  The new cleaning lady ROCKS!
9.  Yesterday, someone told me I looked skinny. 
10.  AND, I am truly blessed with the most amazing husband, kids, family, friends, co-workers and nanny!  In fact, all of these people bring a smile to my face just thinking about them!

I don't know, perhaps I'm on to something.  It actually didn't take much effort to think of all the amazing things going on in my life and how truly lucky I am.  Yeah, making this list made me feel better but it also kept me from couch time with Ben and Jerry.  Now that is some food for thought on the power of positive thinking!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

And...She Walks!

When I was younger, I used to scrapbook and save EVERYTHING.  I made collages for friends, spending countless hours pouring through magazines to find the perfect words and images for any momentous occasion.  I remember vividly creating a book out of all the news photos of Kerri Strug and the "magnificent 7" gold metal gymnastics team.  Why? I have no idea.  I saved, for all my POPers out there, my peak summer team sing ribbon with my hair still stuck in the rubber band AND the notes my now husband (but then, sworn-off deadbeat boyfriend) wrote me in high school, one of them dumping me a week after we started "dating".

I always thought this would carry over to I pictured myself making the most elaborate baby books for my children, with memories of every goo and gah.  I mean, I poured over my baby book as I grew up, which included the day-by-day diary of my pureed fruit diet...why wouldn't I do the same?!?

Not even close.  The books were purchsed, but I'm pretty sure the last entry in MDBs book was my futile attempts to remember the first words-steps-coos when he neared his second birthday.  Poor Lulu, not even sure I tore off the cellophane.  The sad part is, I know deep down how much I'm going to regret not having this diary for them and me.  If someone has mastered how to be a full-time-mom-wife-employee-friend-housekeeper-sane person AND keep a baby book, I'm all ears.

So, for memories little, beautiful daughter took her first steps today, April 29, 2010.  I'm not going to count the five steps she took when I was at work today, but instead when she walked the few steps from her Dad to me with the biggest smile on her face I have ever seen! 

So, in case, Lulu, you are reading this years from now...your first word was Dada and you also say Mama, Grandma, Nana, More, Up, Hi and Bye-Bye.  You can blow kisses and play peek-a-boo and you love frozen fruit, pasta, lima beans (yep, its true) and, well, all carbs!  You are a little trouble maker, climbing on anything and then turning around with a little smirk to see who you are causing a momentary heart attack.  Your smile lights up a room, with that adorable mouth full of teeth.  And, I love, when you crawl over to me, and put your head in my lap when you need a little attention or love.  And, MDB, so you don't feel left took your first steps on Mother's Day, 2008! 

P.S.  I am down 1.5 pounds since starting Weight Watchers.  My weigh-in day is tomorrow and I'm hoping for some poundage loss rivaling The Biggest Loser.  Too bad my last chance workout was spent sitting in bed with my computer. 

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I'm Starving...

Okay, so maybe that's a little dramatic, but I'm really, really hungry.  I started Weight Watchers yesterday morning and since yesterday morning the only thing I can really concentrate on is my next meal. 

Dieting has always been a challenge for me.  I really love food, I HATE (yes, with all capital letters) to work out and I really dislike the feeling of being hungry.  Not a good combo.  And, unlike a lot of women that I know, I don't have a bad body image.  I look in the mirror and have a tendency to just overlook the problem areas.  You might think that's a good thing, but I think it's part of the problem. 

I have to face reality...the "I just had a baby" excuse just isn't going to cut it anymore.  After three years of back-to-back pregnancies and nursing, I got in the habit of eating what I wanted, when I wanted and it has caught up with me with a vengeance. 

I spend countless moments worrying about my kids health and it dawned on me that I was neglecting my own.  More than anything, I want to pass my healthy self confidence on to my children, but I also want to teach them by example that you have to take care of your body.

A friend asked me how much I wanted to lose.  I honestly don't know, because my quest isn't really about the scale.  I have been there before, only to gain the 20 pounds back again.  I want to do it differently this time.

So for now, here are my weight loss goals:

I want to...
  • not have to wear shirts that hide my stomach
  • get on the skinny jean bandwagon
  • not cringe when I see pictures of me walking down the aisle at WMZ's wedding in August
  • make exercise a part of my weekly routine
I hope you will take this journey with me.  I need all the support I can get.  But, I must warn you, I get cranky when I'm hungry!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Happy Birthday!

To my son, on your 3rd birthday...

I watched you out the window tonight.  You were on the way back from walking your best friend home with your Dad.  You looked so grown up, so determined, so mature, I almost didn't recognize you.  It was at that moment, in that instant, I could actually feel my heart getting bigger with all the love I have for you. 

I looked at the clock a few times today, trying to recall the exact thing I was doing at those moments three years ago. I thought back to the first time the nurses put you in my arms -- the love was so instant and strong, it was if I had known you forever. I remember watching your Dad rock you that first night, falling in love with him all over again.  I recall with clarity the first moment I knew I would do anything for you.  With each passing day, those feelings only get stronger.  I didn't think it was possible. 

I love your curiosity, watching your head tilt and your eyes drift as you try to understand and learn something new.  I love your kind, sweet soul, always watching out for someone else, wanting desperately to understand their feelings.  I love your spirit and that little smile that keeps you out of trouble more times that you know.  I love your big blue eyes and that I can tell what you are thinking just by looking at them.  I love when we read a book and I feel your little hand rub mine.  I love hearing your voice say mommy or something new, that I haven't heard you say before.  I love when you laugh...sometimes I tickle you just to hear that addictive sound.  I love that your smile lights up a room.  I love watching you with your sister, seeing you protect her and teach her.

I love that you are mine. 

P.S.  We had an amazing time celebrating with you this weekend. I'm guessing by the nearly 36 hours of non-stop bike riding that our gift was a big hit!    

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Back In The Day

I've heard my parents and their friends talk about how they wish they had all the baby "technology" we do now...back in the day.  Like, bumbo seats, diaper genies, myBreast friends, video monitors, breathable bumpers and countless other save-the-day things.  In all honesty, I can't really even imagine parenting, especially in the newborn days, without some of these things!  But, this...even I wish I had this back in the day.

I'd heard about the new hands free pump from Medela, but didn't really pay much attention because mine worked fine enough not to justify the extra expense of a new one.  But I didn't really understand its true power until I was helping my SIL figure hers out.  In fact, it is so high-tech, I literally had to try it on to see for myself. 

My SIL's sister and I sat in awe of this little machine and its hands free potential... like back when we were pumping (for me, a mighty 2 months ago) we had to hand express milk while tending to the fields.  But, seriously, you can actually strap yourself in and do just about anything. 

Kids these days, they have it so easy!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

My Brother...The Dad

My little, teeny-weeny, adorable, perfect nephew was born today. My SIL was amazing and brought that little bundle into the world with such tenacity and bravery, it was something to behold.

It was definitely strange, being part of a birth from the "other" side. I wasn't quite sure what family members did in the waiting room for hours and hours. And now I know...wait with baded breath! He was worth the wait. And, I had such a nice time getting to know C's family more and just being a part of it all.

Since it's my blog and I can be selfish...this little boy came into the world at a perfect time for me. My baby fever was starting to flare up and my house is at maximum capacity!

Like a ton of bricks it hit me, my baby brother is a Dad. It feels so hard to wrap my arms around, yet at the same time as it should be. The same kid that sat for HOURS in a chair as I forced him to play school, put up with my teen years and helped me up the stairs after a few (okay, a lot) too many in high school is a Dad. My little bro is still just a kid in my eyes...with his blonde hair, socks up to his knees and sweat pants in every's just surreal. And, to see how he supported his wife and looked adoringly at his brand new son took my breath away.

I love being an's one of the joys of my life. I fell in love with my niece and nephew at their mere conception and now I have another bundle to watch grow and spoil rotten!

So, to "B" on his birth day...I want you to know that I loved you even before I met you. I loved the idea of you and could barely contain my excitement at the anticipation of your arrival. There is nothing I won't do for you, always and forever. Not that you need reminding, but you are one lucky little boy. You have the best parents anyone could ever ask for. Your mom, well, her smile lights up a room and she brings joy to anyone she meets, instantly. She is the kindest person I have ever met and makes your Dad so happy, I can see it in his eyes. And, your Dad, well he will teach you things beyond your wildest imagination -- his wisdom is deep. I know this because with his big, kind heart, uncanny ability to see the good, calm soul and amazing sense of humor -- he teaches me something about life every day. Oh, and, he loves sports. I imagine he will pass this to you, as my Dad did to him! Your parents have anticipated your arrival with nothing but love and devotion every step of the way. It has been fun to watch and be a part of. Welcome to the world, may your every dream come true! I love you more than I can express in words. Happy birthday!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

6 Week Periods

My mom is my mother, best friend and therapist, all rolled up into, hands down, the most amazing woman in the world.  Her wisdom deep, her knowledge vast and her words always a comfort during times of unknown, unrest or unease. 

I wish I took more advantage of having a 24-hour on-call therapist and doting mom in my life.  During my younger years, I rolled my eyes when she wanted to "talk about feelings" and have family meetings and pre-kids, well, my life was pretty easy and my woes few and far between.  Having children has made me appreciate my mom, first for truly understanding how much she loves me and the sacrafices she made for me to have an amazing life and secondly because she helps me understand the challeneges (and joys) of raising children with self love and clarity.

Tonight she helped me see the light by gently pointing out that I dealt with a momentus toddler meltdown in the exact way that I yell at my husband for doing all the time.  Only a mom can get away with that one!  But, as always, she was right and left me feeling okay about my parental blunder...with a new way to think about things so that I can do "better" tomorrow. 

Since pretty much the day my son was born, my mom has helped me get through challenging times with the kids by reminding me, "it's just a tough 6-week period."  (Well, or teething...sorry mom, that one was for you!).  This observation -- that a kid's development happens in 6-week periods -- has helped me get through phases of non-sleep, non-listening, non-eating or non-giving their ol' mom a break stages! 

Well, we are in the throws of a tough period with MDB, as he nears his third birthday.  He is stomping his feet (and using them for a kick or two) to declare his independence and has a zero-to-sixty and back again range of emotions that not even the soap opera stars can replicate.  I swore I would NEVER be the mother that said, "use your words" to their child...but I can't think of a better thing to say when he just can't express what he is feeling in any other way but with his body or through tears!

Terrible twos, threes?  Thinking back, I remember the same thing happening as he neared his second birthday too...alhough, I might have blocked it out with a 5 week old baby at the time!

So, thanks Mom, for you.  I will finish my well-deserved glass of wine tonight with a toast to you, for knowing I only have 5 weeks, 2 days and 3 hours to go until a new stage begins!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Chemical Warfare

Every once in a while, I talk about the wonderful Safer Chemicals, Healthy Families organization I think they're doing a great job spreading the word and garnering support to make our world safer from the onslaught of chemicals in our food, products, air, etc.  The more and more I learn, the more and more I am disgusted and outraged.

Through their Facebook page, I found the new The Mollyanna Approach blog.  The author, Katharine, is not a scientist or expert, but a mom, just like me.  I was literally grinning from ear-to-ear reading her posts, because she is writing words as if taking them from my brain.  She shared her weekly shopping list and how she navigates the grocery store to buy the healthiest and chemically-free food.  And, what really got me is how she had to have multiple sit downs with her hubby on why their grocery bills were off the charts.  Been there, done that.

I go through every moment of every day just wanting what is best for my kids and my family.  Sometimes I feel like my quest to rid my kids' lives of everything that could possibly have a negative impact on them is over the top and it's hard to strike the balance of letting them just be kids and protecting them.  But, I can't help it.  They are my kids and I won't stop trying. 

Sometimes I feel alone in my plight. My pediatrician does the best she can with the information she has, but doesn't really get it.  Others scoff, either reminding me that we grew up just fine or telling me I'm just not doing enough.  And, the information overload can be overwhelming (case in point...get the swine flu shot for the kids or don't?)

What I can do is spread the word about others like Katharine. The more people that are involved and demand change, the less chance we will have of being ignored in this battle!

So, thanks, Katharine, for making me feel okay about 1) taking 3 hours at Whole Foods reading EVERY label, 2) breaking out in a cold sweat when MDB eats Red Dye #40 off the birthday cake at parties, 3) spending extra money to buy a chemically-free mattress for the big boy bed and most of all, 4) being proud to be part of a growing movement that will stand up for our safety one BPA-phalate free product at a time!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Bedtime (And My) Drama

We have been having some difficulty in the bedtime department with MDB.  The once easy process of putting him to bed has come to a screeching halt.  He used to get in bed at 7/7:15 with no issues and if he wasn't ready to fall asleep, he would chat/sing/play until he was tired.  There was no crying and no negotiating. 

About a month ago, all that went out the window.  I noticed, at first, that I had to go in one more time for another kiss and a hug. Then, he started wanting to read more books and the routine just got longer and longer.  Now, it is full blown, with him crying and screaming for us not to leave the room and to "hold me."  This goes on, with me in and out, until he finally passes out from sheer exhaustion at, sometimes, as late as 9:45. 

I started doing my research (read = asking every mom I know), looking for that easy fix to get it back to the way it used to be.  I was so nervous about the less sleep on his mood, his health, etc.  Do I just leave him in his room and let him CIO like a baby?  I didn't want to start any bad habits (laying with him until he falls asleep) or, giving in and letting him come out of his room, like someone else I know did (not naming any names).      

We have heard to drop his nap, but my son LOVES his nap and quite frankly needs it.  We skipped it yesterday and it was a crabby DISASTER.  But, we limit it to 2-hours and never let him sleep past 3 p.m.

At some point during my read-every-blog-on-the-subject phase, it hit was my own needs, not his that had me reeling.

I should be excited about the extra time I get to spend with him after work, but in all honesty, I am in mourning.  My favorite me-time of the day is after the kids go to sleep.  I long for this solitude, knowing I get a very long break until morning.  My friends with older kids have assured me that it will come back, as soon as he drops his nap and can't keep his eyes open at night...but I can't help it, this is MY time! 

I started this post as a quest for some good advice.  But, I realized that my reader base consists mostly of my friends/family that know my every whim or are so sick of my parental over-analyzing that they block me out.  

But, I have also come to learn that sometimes just putting my thoughts out into the universe makes me feel better.  I picture some anonymous reader out there, silently nodding in agreement as they deal with the same issue or remember, with a smile, when they had to in the past.

My blog, which started as a fun way to tell stories about my life and my kids, has made me more able to sort through and be truthful about my feelings.  It's a little like therapy and I like it.

So, just for kicks...if you read this and have felt the same way, e-mail me at  

Sunday, March 14, 2010

But, Why?

And, so it begins... 

Mommy:  MDB, no more yelling because I just put Lulu down for a nap.
MDB:  But, why?
Mommy:  Well, it would be hard for her to sleep if you are yelling.
MDB:  But, why is she sleeping?
Mommy:  Because she is tired.
MDB:  But, why?
Mommy:  Well, because she is a baby and babies get tired.
MDB:  But, why do babies get tired?
Mommy:  Because they grow so much and so fast, they need to rest a lot.
MDB:  But, why?
Mommy:  Well, she is learning so much, like how to walk and talk, and her little brain needs to take some naps so she is ready to learn more when she wakes up.
MDB:  But, Mommy, can I watch TV?

I guess, my answer was that good - or, he got bored of the conversation. 

A part of me has been waiting for the "But, Why" conversations to start.  My Dad was really good at this when I was a kid.  He always had an answer too all my questions and never seemed to tire of it.  In hind site, I am not sure what he was actually teaching me -- I believed for a VERY long time that The Flinstones actually lived in the quarry by our house -- but, hey, I have really fond memories of these conversations!  And, he is still my #1 call when I have a question (espcially political of nature) that Google can't answer.

So, in the end, as long as his questions aren't numbers/math-related...I look forward to his ever growing curiosity!  Bring on the "But, Why?"

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Big BIG Boy Bed

Honestly, I have never seen my son as excited as he was yesterday when he got his big bed!  I was told he could barely contain himself while the delivery men set up the mattress and he literally threw himself into bed for his nap. 

He was so cute, making me close my eyes and leading me by the hand into his room when I got home from work so I could see.  He was beaming from ear to ear!

He looks so adorable...his tiny self, in this big bed.  It's just another sign of his independence.  It felt really good to lay by him in bed, read him a story and "nuggle." 

I had high hopes that his elation would continue when it was time to turn out the lights and go to sleep.  I envisioned my big boy quietly telling me he was so tired from the excitement of the day and that I could quiely leave him to his thoughts and books.  Ha, nice try Mommy.  Hey, it worked at naptime?!?

I am going to chalk-up the over 2-hour bedtime drama to jitters about the first night with something new and that tonight will be smooth sailing.  Hey, a girl can dream!

Monday, March 1, 2010

Pretty In Pink

This is my son's 3rd birthday gift. He picked it out, test "drove" it and made the decision this was the one he wanted...well as much as a 3 year old can.

As I was placing the order today, I had a thought. This wasn’t the one he originally wanted. When we walked into the store…he went straight for the pink one with purple streamers on the handle bars. Without giving it much thought, I steered him towards the boy bikes and we moved on.  This isn't the first time this has come up.  He always wants to eat off the pink plate (and I oblige) and if you ask him his favorite color, it's always enthusiastically pink.  It doesn't really surprise me, nor bother me.  A lot of his friends are girls and his cousin (who he worships) is a girl and they aways want "the pink one" so it makes sense that he does too!

It got me thinking. If my daughter had picked out "a boy" bike, would I have done the same for her, steered her towards the more girlie bikes? I'm not sure, come to think of it. Personally, I would want her to have the pink one, because that's what I would want, but I probably wouldn’t put up too much stink if she rode away on the Harley Davidson camouflage version.

I always thought I'd be the type of parent that let my kids express their individuality anyway they wanted...but, just like that, in an instant, I wasn't.  And, I have a feeling I'm not alone.  Would you have let your son get the pink bike?  Did I make a major parenting blunder? 

Saturday, February 27, 2010

What A Day

I've said it before...I have a bad habit of wishing my kids were older than they are.  I know I am going to read this after sending one of them to college and curse myself, wishing for just one more night.  Trust me, since I over analyze everything, I understand that I should be enjoying each and every moment, and I do.  It's just that the older M.D.B. gets, the more fun it is!

We had such a great day today.  He came with me to take the pup for her haircut and we hung out at Petco to see the turtles (WAY cheaper than the aquarium and free parking to boot).  We went to Comcast to exhange a broken cable box.  I had a moment of panic when I saw the LONG line...but I walked out bursting with pride since my little boy proceeded to use the time to entertain the rest of the people waiting in line.  Then, while AB and I took Lulu to her music class, my not-so-little-boy hung in the big kids room with Miss. Lauren, who I'm pretty sure is his first crush!  Topped off with a fight-free nap and a pizza dinner...we just had a perfect day! 

So yeah, the day was nothing special or out of the ordinary, but I think that's what made it so great. It was just errands, but I can remember -- not too long ago -- that the thought of bringing kids on errands would make me cringe.  But, today was just fun.  I loved chatting with him in the car (like, an actual two way conversation), watching him take in new things, seeing him interact with other people and feeling him grab for my hand as we neared the parking lot, just as I have instructed him to since he could take his first steps.

So, there really is part of me that wants my baby girl to stay a baby forever, but I also long for the future.  I can't wait to hear what her voice is going to sound like, when she says "mommy."  I long for the days of getting her pigtails just right (if she EVER gets hair, that is!!) and watching her watch turtles swimming in a tank in awe.

But, I know they are going to wake up tomorrow one day older.  Closer to the days of me not being allowed to talk because I'm embarrassing and having to pry them out of bed in the morning for school.  I guess since I know how much fun the future will bring...I will be patient and make it my priority to be present in the moment and just cherish it all!

Monday, February 22, 2010

Home Alone

I was home alone for exactly 51 hours and 11 minutes over the weekend when AB took the kids to his parents.  When I say home alone...I mean, no other living things in the house.  No dog, no kids and no husband.  No one else to take care of, but me!  The house was eerily quiet...I heard phantom baby cries and dog barks and it took me a few hours (and a glass of wine) to relax, unwind and truly understand that I didn't have to cram all the things I wanted to accomplish over the weekend in during a 2-hour nap window. 

I watched at least 10 hours of TV that I have been saving on the DVR, cleaned every nook and cranny of the house and did projects that have been on hold since the day M.D.B. was born.  I purged broken crayons and toys and made enough pureed veggies to last months.  I did a puzzle (yep, a grown up one) and studied for the HR exam I'm taking in May.  I lunched and Costcoed with a friend and went to girls dinner, without leaving the house sans my purse or half a blow dry.  I rolled over and went back to sleep when the clock read 7 a.m. and sang in the shower to my heart's desire.  The toys stayed put away and the kitchen stayed clean. 

At some point on Sunday, I said to myself, could I get used to this?  The answer was no.  I missed the chaos and the sounds of little footsteps.  I was cold in bed, without the hubby and pup.  I missed being needed.  I missed their little smells and sounds and going to bed at night knowing they are tucked warm in their beds.  I longed for hugs and kisses, for boo-boos to kiss.

So, yeah, a weekend to get stuff done and some peace and quiet was great.  But, there will be plenty of time for that later in life.  I woke up in such a good mood this morning because I realized my life -- with all its craziness -- is exactly as it should be and the way I want it!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Ode to the Working Mom

So, I missed my daughter's first birthday.  There, I said it.  It was last week, but I felt like I couldn't write about it yet, because I couldn't really wrap my arms around the idea of it.  I just wanted the day to end, for the calendar to read February 10, so it would just be over and I could stop beating myself up about it. 

I haven't had a business trip in almost two years...but I had one...last week. I was so excited to be included in this particular meeting...but attending would keep me away from Lulu on her birthday. Yes, I probably could have said no to the trip, but to be honest, I didn't want to. I wanted to go, to be included, to focus on my career. Oh, the guilt.

I had a very hard time when M.D.B. was born and I went back to work.  People would say, "wouldn't you rather be at home" and "don't you wish you could be a stay-at-home-mom."  I would say yes, but the truth was, I didn't.  Oh, the guilt.

I can safely say I have the best job when it comes to being a working mom...pretty regular hours, not much travel (and when I do, sometimes it feels like a much needed night off, complete with room/maid service) and amazing/understanding managers. I am always home to eat dinner, give baths and bedtime kisses and I get to spend quality time with the kids in the morning.  And, to be completely honest, I really, really like working and my job.  Oh, and did I mention I have the BEST nanny in the world and a mom who takes on less work so she can spend an afternoon with my kids.  Oh, the luck!

I continue to be enamored by stay-at-home moms. They are so selfless and have the patience of saints. I honestly, do not know how they do it.  I envy their dedication and, sometimes, I wish I could feel that way too. 

Deep down I know that in order for me to be the very best mom I can be, I have to be true to myself.  And, right now, that means working.  I am not sure what the future will hold, but what I do know is that when I got felt REALLY good to be missed! 

Friday, January 22, 2010

This Sums It Up

My mommy guilt started long before I was "technically" a mother.  Did I have one too many sips of Coke?  What will happen to my lima-bean-sized baby if I skipped my prenatal vitamins two days in a row?  Did I forever ruin MDBs hearing from an extra loud night at the Bon Jovi concert?  Little did I know that it would get WAY worse when my kids actually came into this world.  

Sometimes the pressure of it all is debilitating.  I doubt pretty much every decision I make.  I mean, the responsibility of keeping my kids -- who I love more than I ever thought possible and then some -- happy/safe/healthy/loved, can actually take my breath away.  

Sometimes, in my states of frazzle, my mom (aka, my rock) says, you don't have to be perfect, you only have to be good enough.  As a perfectionist, this is a very hard concept for me to grasp, but I try to let go...if only for a moment.

My friend, former co-worker, blogger and new mom and I have a lot in common (including a therapist parent) and she sometimes takes the words right out of my mouth.  It is nice to realize I am not alone, so I will let her sum it up for me -- here.