Ode to the Working Mom

So, I missed my daughter's first birthday.  There, I said it.  It was last week, but I felt like I couldn't write about it yet, because I couldn't really wrap my arms around the idea of it.  I just wanted the day to end, for the calendar to read February 10, so it would just be over and I could stop beating myself up about it. 

I haven't had a business trip in almost two years...but I had one...last week. I was so excited to be included in this particular meeting...but attending would keep me away from Lulu on her birthday. Yes, I probably could have said no to the trip, but to be honest, I didn't want to. I wanted to go, to be included, to focus on my career. Oh, the guilt.

I had a very hard time when M.D.B. was born and I went back to work.  People would say, "wouldn't you rather be at home" and "don't you wish you could be a stay-at-home-mom."  I would say yes, but the truth was, I didn't.  Oh, the guilt.

I can safely say I have the best job when it comes to being a working mom...pretty regular hours, not much travel (and when I do, sometimes it feels like a much needed night off, complete with room/maid service) and amazing/understanding managers. I am always home to eat dinner, give baths and bedtime kisses and I get to spend quality time with the kids in the morning.  And, to be completely honest, I really, really like working and my job.  Oh, and did I mention I have the BEST nanny in the world and a mom who takes on less work so she can spend an afternoon with my kids.  Oh, the luck!

I continue to be enamored by stay-at-home moms. They are so selfless and have the patience of saints. I honestly, do not know how they do it.  I envy their dedication and, sometimes, I wish I could feel that way too. 

Deep down I know that in order for me to be the very best mom I can be, I have to be true to myself.  And, right now, that means working.  I am not sure what the future will hold, but what I do know is that when I got home...it felt REALLY good to be missed!