To Be 15 Again!

Yes, I'm in this picture...hint the jeans are tightrolled.  What can I say...it was the 80s!

At this moment, I wish I was 15 years old again, spending my summer in the heart of the Adirondack mountains, on quite possibly the most beautiful lake in the entire world.  This has been happening to me every June since 1993...my first summer not spent at sleep away camp.

I'm green with envy.  Today is the first day of camp at Point O' Pines and even though I am grown, married and have kids of my own, I can't help but feel jealous.  If I had the chance, I would go back in an instant.  Call me crazy...nope, just obsessed.

Right now, as taps has already blown, the girls are settling down into their bunks for their first night.  The little ones with mixed feelings...some missing home while other's jump right in, as if they never left.  Then, there are the new girls that are scared of the unknown.  They are completely unaware of the fact that their lives are about to change...forever.  And, then there are the girls that are more excited than they have ever been in their lives, yet deep down the pit has already started to form in their stomach knowing this is the last summer they get to do this.  I have been in each of their shoes and I truly know what lies ahead.

Even after all these years, I can still close my eyes are hear the buzz of the dining room, the ring of the activity bell through the trees (sorry girls, the majestic pines), the sound of shoes on the pebble lined street and the creaking of the bunk doors.  I can still hear the whirl of the boats and the waves lapping on the base of the campfire circle.  I can taste the candy we were never supposed to have and the watered down bug juice.  There are songs that I hear on the radio now, that will forever have different words and I can't hide my smile when I see a little girl in a French braid, Keds and or a white t-shirt and blue shorts.

For some reason, it's very hard for me to describe in words everything that camp has added to my life.  I think I knew at 7 years old that I was experiencing something so very special. That feeling has not faded and no matter where my life has taken me, I always feel at home on the grounds of camp or with my camp friends.

And, speaking of my dear, dear friends...we always just pick right up where we left off.  We reminise and laugh, telling the same stories we have for years.  It's hard to explain to those that didn't get to experience sleep away camp, what these friendships mean. 

My parents went to camp as did their parents before them. It's in my blood. They realized all the potential, learning opportunities, independence and fun that was ahead of me when they put my little 7 year-old self on a plane from Chicago to Albany...alone...for 8 weeks. Now that I am a mom, I can't really imagine what that felt like -- but they did it for me and I'm so glad that they did!

So, I will go to sleep tonight wishing I was wrapping up a game of jacks, checking out my new winnings after "gambling for stationery" and crawling into my squeaky bottom bunk with my Archie comics, fan at my feet and my best friends around me!

What Happens In Vegas...

The first weekend of June I went to Vegas to celebrate WMZs bachelorette party. I'm just writing this now, because I think I just recovered. I was never the real get-down-and-dirty party type, so TWO nights in a row of seeing the early morning hours required almost a full month of recovery. In all honesty, I have been wanting to write this post for a while, but I can't seem to get my sh*& together these days.

What a priveledge it was to be a part of her weekend, watching my lifelong friend surrounded by those that love her the most.  The bride-to-be was radiating with happiness and you could tell by watching her tht she was just trying to soak in each and every moment, hoping it wouldn't end. WMZ is one of the most loyal, open hearted people I know and she deserved a weekend with all eyes and hearts on her!

Years ago a trip like this...seeing old friends and getting to know new ones better...would have sent me into a tailspin of panic. I would have plucked-waxed-highlighted-cut-painted-shopped-fasted-zit creamed myself into oblivion. I have to say the best part of getting older is that I'm now pretty comfortable in my own skin. I mean for me to done a bathing suit and not have to take a Zanax, well it was a breakthrough!

The weekend also made some of my deepest regrets rear their ugly head. I have lost touch with some really great friends along the way. I never was good with transitions, like from high school to college and college to the real world. I think during times of change, I'm afraid of getting hurt or being forgotten, so I back away first. I have some amazing friends from high school and college that I didn't work as hard a I could have (should have) to keep in touch. Being with some of them over the weekend made me realize what I lost. You can't go back in time...just learn for the next time, right?

P.S. Congratulations to my blogger friend La La Land. Girls are so much fun. And, now that you know you are going to get your girl...I am SO glad I had my boy first! Big brothers rock!

The Power Of Positive Thinking

I've been an absentee blogger lately, I know.  Not that anyone is peeled to their computer anxiously awaiting my updates, but I feel bad none-the-less.  Never in my life have I been short of words but lately I haven't had much to say.  I guess I just wasn't inspired.  Not even the recent infant/children's Tylenol/Motrin recall or the news that certain sunscreens are actually increasing the risk of cancer did the trick to get me going on one of my tangents. 

My lack of inspiration could stem from the fact that I get a majority of my news from People magazine and the little screen in the elevator during the 42-second ride to my office.  Since the earthquake disaster in Haiti, I have pretty much sworn off watching or reading the news.  Not a great idea, I know.  But, I honestly cannot watch any more horribly depressing stories about bad things happening to good people.  The fact that Jesse cheated on Sandra is about all I can handle.

Or, it could be the fact that I'm pretty much a Weight Watchers drop out.  I have been really good about getting to the gym, but the 20 points of food a day, well, it was hard to make it last through lunch.

Or, perhaps its the fact that I've been working a ton trying to get a big project off the ground at work.  And, the one TV show my husband and I could agree on, Lost, ended for good and I heard that Michelle Duggar may be pregnant again.  Oh, and MDB has 102 fever and starting The Pill again has made me break out adolescent style.  Big sigh. 

So, to knock the debbie out of this downer, here are some of the good things going on in my life:

1.  I got to witness the Chicago Blackhawks clinch the conference title in a sweep to head to the Stanley Cup finals.  Very cool. 

2.  We had an amazing weekend in Michigan, seeing some of the hubbys family we haven't seen in a long time. 
3.  My kids are getting to the ages where they can play together -- safely.  I got 15 minutes to myself while they actually entertained each other.
4.  Lulu now has enough hair to use a bow.  She won't keep it in, but hey, I'm only focusing on the positives here!
5.  A long-time friend from my amazing WNBC-TV internship in college had her third beautiful baby boy and my favorite set of twins are now proud aunts to another set of twins. 
6.  I'm going to Las Vegas in 10 days and again in October.
7.  My cousin and her kids are coming in for the weekend!
8.  The new cleaning lady ROCKS!
9.  Yesterday, someone told me I looked skinny. 
10.  AND, I am truly blessed with the most amazing husband, kids, family, friends, co-workers and nanny!  In fact, all of these people bring a smile to my face just thinking about them!

I don't know, perhaps I'm on to something.  It actually didn't take much effort to think of all the amazing things going on in my life and how truly lucky I am.  Yeah, making this list made me feel better but it also kept me from couch time with Ben and Jerry.  Now that is some food for thought on the power of positive thinking!

And...She Walks!

When I was younger, I used to scrapbook and save EVERYTHING.  I made collages for friends, spending countless hours pouring through magazines to find the perfect words and images for any momentous occasion.  I remember vividly creating a book out of all the news photos of Kerri Strug and the "magnificent 7" gold metal gymnastics team.  Why? I have no idea.  I saved, for all my POPers out there, my peak summer team sing ribbon with my hair still stuck in the rubber band AND the notes my now husband (but then, sworn-off deadbeat boyfriend) wrote me in high school, one of them dumping me a week after we started "dating".

I always thought this would carry over to adulthood...as I pictured myself making the most elaborate baby books for my children, with memories of every goo and gah.  I mean, I poured over my baby book as I grew up, which included the day-by-day diary of my pureed fruit diet...why wouldn't I do the same?!?

Not even close.  The books were purchsed, but I'm pretty sure the last entry in MDBs book was my futile attempts to remember the first words-steps-coos when he neared his second birthday.  Poor Lulu, not even sure I tore off the cellophane.  The sad part is, I know deep down how much I'm going to regret not having this diary for them and me.  If someone has mastered how to be a full-time-mom-wife-employee-friend-housekeeper-sane person AND keep a baby book, I'm all ears.

So, for memories sake...my little, beautiful daughter took her first steps today, April 29, 2010.  I'm not going to count the five steps she took when I was at work today, but instead when she walked the few steps from her Dad to me with the biggest smile on her face I have ever seen! 

So, in case, Lulu, you are reading this years from now...your first word was Dada and you also say Mama, Grandma, Nana, More, Up, Hi and Bye-Bye.  You can blow kisses and play peek-a-boo and you love frozen fruit, pasta, lima beans (yep, its true) and, well, all carbs!  You are a little trouble maker, climbing on anything and then turning around with a little smirk to see who you are causing a momentary heart attack.  Your smile lights up a room, with that adorable mouth full of teeth.  And, I love, when you crawl over to me, and put your head in my lap when you need a little attention or love.  And, MDB, so you don't feel left out...you took your first steps on Mother's Day, 2008! 

P.S.  I am down 1.5 pounds since starting Weight Watchers.  My weigh-in day is tomorrow and I'm hoping for some poundage loss rivaling The Biggest Loser.  Too bad my last chance workout was spent sitting in bed with my computer. 

I'm Starving...

Okay, so maybe that's a little dramatic, but I'm really, really hungry.  I started Weight Watchers yesterday morning and since yesterday morning the only thing I can really concentrate on is my next meal. 

Dieting has always been a challenge for me.  I really love food, I HATE (yes, with all capital letters) to work out and I really dislike the feeling of being hungry.  Not a good combo.  And, unlike a lot of women that I know, I don't have a bad body image.  I look in the mirror and have a tendency to just overlook the problem areas.  You might think that's a good thing, but I think it's part of the problem. 

I have to face reality...the "I just had a baby" excuse just isn't going to cut it anymore.  After three years of back-to-back pregnancies and nursing, I got in the habit of eating what I wanted, when I wanted and it has caught up with me with a vengeance. 

I spend countless moments worrying about my kids health and it dawned on me that I was neglecting my own.  More than anything, I want to pass my healthy self confidence on to my children, but I also want to teach them by example that you have to take care of your body.

A friend asked me how much I wanted to lose.  I honestly don't know, because my quest isn't really about the scale.  I have been there before, only to gain the 20 pounds back again.  I want to do it differently this time.

So for now, here are my weight loss goals:

I want to...

• not have to wear shirts that hide my stomach
• get on the skinny jean bandwagon
• not cringe when I see pictures of me walking down the aisle at WMZ's wedding in August
• make exercise a part of my weekly routine

I hope you will take this journey with me.  I need all the support I can get.  But, I must warn you, I get cranky when I'm hungry!