Happy Birthday

Today is my birthday.  34.  It's not 35.  Truthfully, it doesn't feel too bad.  In my mind, I'm still too young to be a mother, have a tendency to regress to the likes of an immature 16-year-old in front of my parents and have to pack on 10 pounds of make up to be taken seriously at work or order a drink in a bar - so I feel ok with another year under my belt.

I love birthday's.  I'm not afraid to admit that an ENTIRE day about me is extremely appealing.  I love calls from friends that I don't get to talk to enough, getting pampered all day by my obliging hubby and, this year, waking up to my son's sweet voice whispering happy birthday and showering me with about 100 kisses.  I get teased a lot that I actually celebrate "the week of Jen" and you know what, I'm totally comfortable with that!

And, the best part about my birthday...it's also my Dad's!  Honestly, sharing the day with him makes it all about 2 billion times more special.  Now that I'm a parent, I can only imagine how amazing it was to be handed his baby girl (a cute one, by the way :)) on his birthday! 

My Dad is, without question, one of the greatest men to walk the earth.  I love his passion for life, his unwavering commitment to his wife, marriage and family, his sense of humor, his work ethic, his uncanny ability to look at things from all different angles and challenge the status quo and his young-at-heart, playful soul.  And, to top it off, he has to share his special day with his birthday obsessed daughter.  What a guy!  Dad, thank you for always loving and believing in me, even when the boarding school in Britain seemed appealing, never letting me rest on my laurels, loving my kids and husband to your core, always being okay with figuring out the tax, flying to NY only to drive 15 hours home so I wouldn't have to be alone and actually being the Dad to pick me up from a party and really not ask any questions!  Happy birthday Pop Pop...I'm proud and honored to be your daughter.  Here's to 93!

This day also has a different meaning.  It was my due date - kinda, sorta, not really.  You see, hubs and I pretty much decided we were done in the kids department.  We have already been blessed with two perfect children.  To make a very long story short, last November I was late, took a pregnancy test and it was positive.  There it was in that tiny digital screen, one simple word, pregnant.  Whoa...impossible, I thought...we were extremely careful.  After the initial shock wore off and my husband could look me in the eyes again, I think we were both okay and even excited with the idea of another child.  It had to be fate...the super reliable Internet calculator said the due date was, none other than, July 6. 

I have to say looking back, I knew it felt different.  I took a few other tests that night and the next morning that were all negative.  Then, I woke up the morning after that with my period.  So strange...I mean, who ever heard of a false positive?!  I even went to the doctor just for reassurance and sure enough I'd never been pregnant at all.  I was relieved, but perhaps just a little disappointed too.  When I dug down deep, I realized my sadness stemmed from not being able to be pregnant again (loved it) and not getting to realize my dream of a drug-free birth -- but the rest of it made me feel nervous and completely overwhelmed and unequipped to handle it all.  I honestly didn't know if my sometimes overwhelming anxiety and heart already bursting with love and fear for all of the unknowns could possibly handle another child.  We're still struggling with the decision and I couldn't tell you definitively what the future will hold. 

It's strange now, thinking how different this birthday could have been.  What I do know, as I found myself showered with love all day, I'm one lucky girl and there is no better birthday gift than that!

Daughters

I wanted a little girl as far back as I can remember.  I pictured shopping for days on end, spa-ing 'til we dropped and me spending endless hours coiffing her hair into the most perfect pigtails ever seen.  In my daydreams, I never considered what actually goes into parenting a daughter (and a daughter with barely enough hair for a simple ribbon, I might add!). 

It's scary stuff, I say.  How do you raise a girl (and boy...but that is another post!) to be confident, smart, poised and armed and ready to combat the plethora of social stigmas and lousy role models out there? 

I came across this article by Lisa Bloom, author of "Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed Down World" and loved the message -- thought I would share!

The Birds and the Bees

MDB:  "Ashley (our amazing new nanny), can boys have babies in their tummy's?"
Ashley:  "No buddy, only girls can have babies."
MDB:  After a few minutes of silence..."Ashley, when I get bigger, I'm gonna marry you and put a baby in your belly."

Okay, then.

This, coupled with a weekend filled with nothing but talk about his girl Belle, from Beauty and the Beast...I guess my little boy is quite the heart breaker.  So stinkin' cute and so surreal and so frightening...all at the same time.  In reality, I'm not really scared to have "the talk."  We are nothing but open and honest about bodies and parts in our house...but he is only four for Pete's sake.  I have a feeling less is more for this one...and, well, that isn't always my strength. 

How old were your kids when you started talking about the birds and the bees?

The Story of Brayden's Heart

(Reposting with a quick edit below in bold and red...oops)

The day my nephew was born is etched into my brain as one of those days that I'll remember forever.  The joy of watching my brother become a Dad, seeing the love on my parent's faces as they became grandparents (again) and getting to hold that precious little boy moments after his birth.  And then, in a split second, the news that would change us all forever -- his diagnosis of Aortic Valve Stenosis (AVS), a congenital heart disease. 

I've been quiet on the subject, as my brother and his amazing wife dealt with and processed all the ups and downs of this past year.  And, to be honest, from the first moments we learned of Brayden's condition, I've yet to be able to find the right words to help, comfort, sooth, encourage and, most of all, express my love. 

Why share now? 

In hind site, it doesn't surprise me.  My family has always been amazing and never ones to rest on their laurels.  My parents were never the sit-idly-by kind of people and from the first moment of Brayden's diagnosis a plan was set in action to help their beloved grandchild and his parents and the legions of other parents dealing with the same psychological, financial and medical issues that come with a similar diagnosis. 

And so out of endless love, devotion and a overwhelming calling to help our Brayden and other families in similar situations, was born my family's registered 501(c)(3) foundation -- A Giving Heart Foundation:  Big Hearts Helping Little Hearts Grow.  I do hope you'll visit the site and if you feel so obliged, make a donation to this amazing and personal cause -- 100 percent of your donation reaches children in need.

My beautiful, strong, the-kind-of-Mom-we-all-want-to-be, SIL wrote Brayden's touching story for the foundation's Web site and I wanted to share it with you:

"Like many parents, we weren’t prepared for the day Brayden was born. We’d chosen that weekend to move and, generally speaking, I don’t think any first time parent is prepared until they are holding their beautiful baby in their arms. It’s like a switch flips and you want nothing more than to protect and love them. The amount of love that instantly grows is immeasurable; we were on cloud nine. So when the pediatrician stopped by for a routine visit, we didn’t think much of it. All of the tests done while I was pregnant came back perfect, why would anything change now?  And then she told us that Brayden had Aortic Valve Stenosis (AVS). In an instant, it felt like all of the air had been sucked out of the room. 

The next month, we were living under water.  Shuttling our innocent little bundle to doctors for echocardiograms, researching AVS and trying to make sense of what was happening.  And then, the day before Brayden turned one month old, the decision was made that doctors would need to intervene and do a balloon procedure on Brayden’s tiny, baby heart. We were to report to the hospital the next day at 6 a.m.  This is when we met Dr. Hijazi. We weren’t scheduled to see him, but another doctor working at a different hospital.  But a family friend recommended Dr. Hijazi, claiming he was the best of the best.  After a quick online search, we were sold.  He is an expert in his field and his accolades endless.  My husband, called Dr. Hijazi’s office to explain our situation and Dr. Hijazi immediately called back. Though he was scheduled to leave town, and had never met Brayden, he agreed to meet with us.  He said that if he agreed the procedure needed to be done, he would stay and do it.  At the same time, I was speaking with our insurance agency.  Not only was Dr. Hijazi out of network but, our insurance agency had dropped Brayden from our plan that day due to a system glitch.  At the 11th hour, the glitch was corrected and we were told the costs would be a maximum of $5,000.  At this point, costs didn’t matter.  We would have sold our souls to make this procedure happen.

The morning at the medical center is a blur.  I was a mess; Mike was holding it together (one of us had to).  But once we spoke with Dr. Hijazi it somehow seemed a bit better. Mike was shocked at my lack of worry once we left Brayden in his capable hands.  In my mind, this guy was the cream of the crop.  And not only is he extremely talented, he is personable, understanding and, for some reason, I trusted him.  After three hours of pacing the floors, we met Dr. Hijazi in the hall and he smiled immediately.  I broke down in tears again, this time out of relief.  He said the procedure was extremely successful and Brayden was recovering well. It was like the weight of the world had been lifted from our shoulders.

Since the procedure, Brayden continues to grow strong and is living a normal life like any other kid.  He’s met or exceeded every milestone outlined for his age and has a great personality.  But, while Brayden’s heart is healthy, we still have fears for the future.  Brayden will need another balloon at some point, as well as open-heart surgery to replace his valve.  How will we explain this to him as he gets older, how do we push our fears aside and focus on our healthy little boy?  We were also left with a mountain of bills from our insurance company that far exceeded the original amount discussed.  Thankfully, Mike’s father made it his personal mission to negotiate those costs.  And Mike’s mom is a psychologist, which has been a huge help in calming our minds.

But not everyone is as lucky as we are.  Not everyone has a “simple” case like Brayden – though I see nothing simple about congenital heart disease.  Not everyone’s parents like to navigate the legal/insurance system, and not everyone’s parents are able to provide the emotional support that’s needed. 

And that’s why we’ve created this foundation.  Will it benefit my son when he needs to have his valve replaced - yes.  But, I’m hoping it will also help families like ours - those just starting out and not emotionally or financially prepared for the worst-case scenario.

I still spend a lot of sleepless nights asking myself what if, and that’s when Mike reminds me that we’re doing our best. And that’s all you can do."

You can also check us out on Facebook and please "Like" us, it would mean a lot to me!

From my heart to yours,
Jen

Happy Belated Mother's Day

Last weekend/this week was a hectic one.  Aside from finally getting to attend another birth (story to come, I promise it's worth the wait!) we had a family birthday party, final preparations for getting the house on the market (gulp!) and day-to-night pampering of all the Mom's in my life (me included!) for Mother's Day.

What am I trying to say?  This post is overdue and I know it.  But, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to share with the world how truly blessed I am to have the most amazing mom in the entire world.  She is the glue, the peanut butter to my jelly, my best friend and role model all wrapped up into the most amazing mom, grandma and human being who ever graced the earth.  I wrote this for her 60th birthday last year and I wanted to share it with the world:

Thanks for...

...never, ever, ever giving up on me.

…loving my husband like one your own.

…always making sure I had something cute to wear and painstakingly helping me find the perfect one!

…never letting an opportunity for us to talk about something pass us by.

…showing such love and devotion to my children – not because you have to – but because you want to!

…helping me find my true self and leading (never forcing) me to find my better self.

…being generous beyond words.

…not sending me to boarding school.

…helping me see things in a different light, a gift you give me always, probably without even knowing it.

…helping my brother and I see the potential, growth and importance of each other.

…never allowing me to just take the easy road.

…always being the keeper of my secrets.

…loving me for who I am, but never failing to see my potential and helping me get there in a kind way.

…allowing me to see what true love looks like and teaching me the kind of wife I want to be.

…Tuesdays. My kids love it and I always look forward to coming home from work and having you there.

…always doing more than is expected or asked, like bringing dinner for my kids and stocking your house with the ever-growing and ever-changing me-approved products.

…letting me share your Miraval experience with you.

…taking my passions and making them your own.

…researching things that are on my mind to educate me or ease my concerns.

…giving me the vital tools for survival…from what to eat to cure all that ails to must-have beauty products to how to shop ‘til we drop.

…being okay with no bathroom breaks during shopping BUT always making time for lunch.

…having the remarkable stamina of a 19 year old.

…being a shining example of pure beauty on the inside and out.

…the best and most coveted hand me downs around!

…helping me overcome my many anxieties in a patient and kind way.

…being my role model.

…touching so many people’s lives, just by being you.

…teaching me that you can follow your dreams and be an amazing Mom too.

…and, mostly for giving me all the tools I need to be a great Mom. It’s easy, be just like you!

May this remind you of how loved you are by your family, friends and legions of patients whose lives you have bettered. You, my Mom, are my hero today and always! I love you!

But, here's the deal.  I hit the jackpot in the mom department...twice.  My MIL is, hands down, one of the most unbelievable, selfless, kind, sincere, hard working women I have ever met.  She has this hard-to-put-into-words calming effect on everyone she meets.  There is a sense of serene, just by having her presence in a room.  She loves her children and grandchildren to the depths of her soul and would gladly give the shirt off her back if it meant helping someone in need.  

I love her commitment to woman's rights, even if I don't religiously read the subscription to Ms magazine she gave me.  I love spending time with her in the kitchen talking about nothing and everything.  I love that she held my babies in her arms all night long, just so I could get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.  I love her stunning red hair and understand her disappointment over not getting a red headed grandchild - yet.  I love her ever-so-sweet demeanor yet ability to curse like a truck driver during anything competitive.  I love that she raised three boys who can all do their own laundry, cook, not freak out over a tampon and that simply adore each other.  I love that she ALWAYS takes my side.  I love that she isn't afraid to put me in my place, as I often lose my way.  I love that she doesn't roll her eyes when I freak out about sleeping arrangements or food for the kids, even though I know she wants to.  I love that she treats me like the daughter she never had.

Happy Mother's Day to the two women who guide me as a Mom and person each and everyday.  I love you!

And, happy, happy to all the Mom's out there.  I know the "official" day is over -- but I frankly think for all we do, is a week of celebrating too much to ask?