Ode to the Working Mom

So, I missed my daughter's first birthday.  There, I said it.  It was last week, but I felt like I couldn't write about it yet, because I couldn't really wrap my arms around the idea of it.  I just wanted the day to end, for the calendar to read February 10, so it would just be over and I could stop beating myself up about it. 

I haven't had a business trip in almost two years...but I had one...last week. I was so excited to be included in this particular meeting...but attending would keep me away from Lulu on her birthday. Yes, I probably could have said no to the trip, but to be honest, I didn't want to. I wanted to go, to be included, to focus on my career. Oh, the guilt.

I had a very hard time when M.D.B. was born and I went back to work.  People would say, "wouldn't you rather be at home" and "don't you wish you could be a stay-at-home-mom."  I would say yes, but the truth was, I didn't.  Oh, the guilt.

I can safely say I have the best job when it comes to being a working mom...pretty regular hours, not much travel (and when I do, sometimes it feels like a much needed night off, complete with room/maid service) and amazing/understanding managers. I am always home to eat dinner, give baths and bedtime kisses and I get to spend quality time with the kids in the morning.  And, to be completely honest, I really, really like working and my job.  Oh, and did I mention I have the BEST nanny in the world and a mom who takes on less work so she can spend an afternoon with my kids.  Oh, the luck!

I continue to be enamored by stay-at-home moms. They are so selfless and have the patience of saints. I honestly, do not know how they do it.  I envy their dedication and, sometimes, I wish I could feel that way too. 

Deep down I know that in order for me to be the very best mom I can be, I have to be true to myself.  And, right now, that means working.  I am not sure what the future will hold, but what I do know is that when I got home...it felt REALLY good to be missed! 

This Sums It Up

My mommy guilt started long before I was "technically" a mother.  Did I have one too many sips of Coke?  What will happen to my lima-bean-sized baby if I skipped my prenatal vitamins two days in a row?  Did I forever ruin MDBs hearing from an extra loud night at the Bon Jovi concert?  Little did I know that it would get WAY worse when my kids actually came into this world.  


Sometimes the pressure of it all is debilitating.  I doubt pretty much every decision I make.  I mean, the responsibility of keeping my kids -- who I love more than I ever thought possible and then some -- happy/safe/healthy/loved, can actually take my breath away.  


Sometimes, in my states of frazzle, my mom (aka, my rock) says, you don't have to be perfect, you only have to be good enough.  As a perfectionist, this is a very hard concept for me to grasp, but I try to let go...if only for a moment.


My friend, former co-worker, blogger and new mom and I have a lot in common (including a therapist parent) and she sometimes takes the words right out of my mouth.  It is nice to realize I am not alone, so I will let her sum it up for me -- here.


  

It's Hard to Believe...

I really can't believe my little girl is going to be ONE in six short weeks. The time has really flown by.

I remember thinking, after my son was born, that it took forever for him to reach this momentous milestone. I am not sure why, but I couldn't wait for him to turn one. I guess I felt like if I could get him that far, maybe I could actually handle this mothering thing. I feel bad now, rushing all those precious moments, but I couldn't help it. I remember not being able to wait until I could read the next chapter in What To Expect The First Year and get my monthly e-mails from Baby Center.

Now, this second time around, it has gone way faster than I imagined and wanted. I am pretty sure I am not going to do this again...so I want her to stay a little baby just a wee bit longer. While I will be happy to put my pump in permanent storage and not be tied to the house for two naps, there is just something so precious about a baby.

As only babies do...I love when she reaches her chubby little arms in the air for me to pick her up and when she rubs her big blue eyes when she is tired. I love laying her down in her crib and watching her roll over, cuddling her little "lovie" and the HUGE smile on her face when I go in her room first thing in the morning. I love kissing her 10,000 times a day, since she is just too little to tell me to "stop pease."

Since I also know what fun lies ahead, I do look forward to our future together. I am counting down the days until we can get mani/pedis and hit the stores and I know my mom can't wait until we can do tea at The American Girl!  But, for these next six weeks, I plan to treasure all the baby moments that I can.

Thank goodness my brother's son will be born in April -- that should tide me over in the baby department...for a while!

We're In It Together, Right?

So, my excitement over my story being published on the "Safer Chemicals, Healthy Family" Web site was extremely short lived. When I visited the sites Facebook page, I was met by comments, like this:

"ok, so she wants the govt to change legislation so that her "tide" will have to be made less toxic ie..more natural? am I reading this right? Because she didn't like the "natural" versions? there are a million great natural versions of laundry detergent that all come in great qty and great prices and work great, I've used them or known plenty that do. And they work WAY better than any of the conventional junk. Sorry but I just don't understand her point, besides not wanting her kid to eat it."

"I am just trying to get my head around 42 loads of laundry..." (it was an exaggeration, lady!)

"There's no reason why any laundry (or personal care) product should be toxic. Even the so called natural ones are made with solvent extracted ingredients. And what one person chooses to use affects everyone else around them, as entire neighborhoods are polluted when these chemicals are spewed out of dryer vents."

Woa, people. This reminded me when I went online to do research on Organic formula options in case I needed to supplement. I actually read comments from people pretty much calling me and people like me the devil for actually even considering formula. My heart ached for the women who went into these chat rooms for advice on breastfeeding because they were having trouble and people were just vicious and judgmental.

Aren't we all just doing the best that we can? Aren't we all just trying to raise our kids as happy and healthy as possible? And, aren't we supposed to be helpful and supportive of others trying to do the same?

At the end of the day, being so judgmental isn't going to help their cause. We are all just doing the very best we can and we should all be in it together!

Toxic Chemical Reform...and well, me!

It is official...I have been published.  No, its not the USA Today or People...but I am proud!  And, to boot, it is for a good cause.  Check it out...http://saferchemicals.org/.  It is on the front page...