And...She Walks!

When I was younger, I used to scrapbook and save EVERYTHING.  I made collages for friends, spending countless hours pouring through magazines to find the perfect words and images for any momentous occasion.  I remember vividly creating a book out of all the news photos of Kerri Strug and the "magnificent 7" gold metal gymnastics team.  Why? I have no idea.  I saved, for all my POPers out there, my peak summer team sing ribbon with my hair still stuck in the rubber band AND the notes my now husband (but then, sworn-off deadbeat boyfriend) wrote me in high school, one of them dumping me a week after we started "dating".

I always thought this would carry over to adulthood...as I pictured myself making the most elaborate baby books for my children, with memories of every goo and gah.  I mean, I poured over my baby book as I grew up, which included the day-by-day diary of my pureed fruit diet...why wouldn't I do the same?!?

Not even close.  The books were purchsed, but I'm pretty sure the last entry in MDBs book was my futile attempts to remember the first words-steps-coos when he neared his second birthday.  Poor Lulu, not even sure I tore off the cellophane.  The sad part is, I know deep down how much I'm going to regret not having this diary for them and me.  If someone has mastered how to be a full-time-mom-wife-employee-friend-housekeeper-sane person AND keep a baby book, I'm all ears.

So, for memories sake...my little, beautiful daughter took her first steps today, April 29, 2010.  I'm not going to count the five steps she took when I was at work today, but instead when she walked the few steps from her Dad to me with the biggest smile on her face I have ever seen! 

So, in case, Lulu, you are reading this years from now...your first word was Dada and you also say Mama, Grandma, Nana, More, Up, Hi and Bye-Bye.  You can blow kisses and play peek-a-boo and you love frozen fruit, pasta, lima beans (yep, its true) and, well, all carbs!  You are a little trouble maker, climbing on anything and then turning around with a little smirk to see who you are causing a momentary heart attack.  Your smile lights up a room, with that adorable mouth full of teeth.  And, I love, when you crawl over to me, and put your head in my lap when you need a little attention or love.  And, MDB, so you don't feel left out...you took your first steps on Mother's Day, 2008! 

P.S.  I am down 1.5 pounds since starting Weight Watchers.  My weigh-in day is tomorrow and I'm hoping for some poundage loss rivaling The Biggest Loser.  Too bad my last chance workout was spent sitting in bed with my computer. 

I'm Starving...

Okay, so maybe that's a little dramatic, but I'm really, really hungry.  I started Weight Watchers yesterday morning and since yesterday morning the only thing I can really concentrate on is my next meal. 

Dieting has always been a challenge for me.  I really love food, I HATE (yes, with all capital letters) to work out and I really dislike the feeling of being hungry.  Not a good combo.  And, unlike a lot of women that I know, I don't have a bad body image.  I look in the mirror and have a tendency to just overlook the problem areas.  You might think that's a good thing, but I think it's part of the problem. 

I have to face reality...the "I just had a baby" excuse just isn't going to cut it anymore.  After three years of back-to-back pregnancies and nursing, I got in the habit of eating what I wanted, when I wanted and it has caught up with me with a vengeance. 

I spend countless moments worrying about my kids health and it dawned on me that I was neglecting my own.  More than anything, I want to pass my healthy self confidence on to my children, but I also want to teach them by example that you have to take care of your body.

A friend asked me how much I wanted to lose.  I honestly don't know, because my quest isn't really about the scale.  I have been there before, only to gain the 20 pounds back again.  I want to do it differently this time.

So for now, here are my weight loss goals:

I want to...

• not have to wear shirts that hide my stomach
• get on the skinny jean bandwagon
• not cringe when I see pictures of me walking down the aisle at WMZ's wedding in August
• make exercise a part of my weekly routine

I hope you will take this journey with me.  I need all the support I can get.  But, I must warn you, I get cranky when I'm hungry!

Happy Birthday!

To my son, on your 3rd birthday...

I watched you out the window tonight.  You were on the way back from walking your best friend home with your Dad.  You looked so grown up, so determined, so mature, I almost didn't recognize you.  It was at that moment, in that instant, I could actually feel my heart getting bigger with all the love I have for you. 

I looked at the clock a few times today, trying to recall the exact thing I was doing at those moments three years ago. I thought back to the first time the nurses put you in my arms -- the love was so instant and strong, it was if I had known you forever. I remember watching your Dad rock you that first night, falling in love with him all over again.  I recall with clarity the first moment I knew I would do anything for you.  With each passing day, those feelings only get stronger.  I didn't think it was possible. 

I love your curiosity, watching your head tilt and your eyes drift as you try to understand and learn something new.  I love your kind, sweet soul, always watching out for someone else, wanting desperately to understand their feelings.  I love your spirit and that little smile that keeps you out of trouble more times that you know.  I love your big blue eyes and that I can tell what you are thinking just by looking at them.  I love when we read a book and I feel your little hand rub mine.  I love hearing your voice say mommy or something new, that I haven't heard you say before.  I love when you laugh...sometimes I tickle you just to hear that addictive sound.  I love that your smile lights up a room.  I love watching you with your sister, seeing you protect her and teach her.

I love that you are mine. 

P.S.  We had an amazing time celebrating with you this weekend. I'm guessing by the nearly 36 hours of non-stop bike riding that our gift was a big hit!    

Back In The Day

I've heard my parents and their friends talk about how they wish they had all the baby "technology" we do now...back in the day.  Like, bumbo seats, diaper genies, myBreast friends, video monitors, breathable bumpers and countless other save-the-day things.  In all honesty, I can't really even imagine parenting, especially in the newborn days, without some of these things!  But, this...even I wish I had this back in the day.

I'd heard about the new hands free pump from Medela, but didn't really pay much attention because mine worked fine enough not to justify the extra expense of a new one.  But I didn't really understand its true power until I was helping my SIL figure hers out.  In fact, it is so high-tech, I literally had to try it on to see for myself. 

My SIL's sister and I sat in awe of this little machine and its hands free potential... like back when we were pumping (for me, a mighty 2 months ago) we had to hand express milk while tending to the fields.  But, seriously, you can actually strap yourself in and do just about anything. 

Kids these days, they have it so easy!

My Brother...The Dad

My little, teeny-weeny, adorable, perfect nephew was born today. My SIL was amazing and brought that little bundle into the world with such tenacity and bravery, it was something to behold.

It was definitely strange, being part of a birth from the "other" side. I wasn't quite sure what family members did in the waiting room for hours and hours. And now I know...wait with baded breath! He was worth the wait. And, I had such a nice time getting to know C's family more and just being a part of it all.

Since it's my blog and I can be selfish...this little boy came into the world at a perfect time for me. My baby fever was starting to flare up and my house is at maximum capacity!

Like a ton of bricks it hit me, my baby brother is a Dad. It feels so hard to wrap my arms around, yet at the same time as it should be. The same kid that sat for HOURS in a chair as I forced him to play school, put up with my teen years and helped me up the stairs after a few (okay, a lot) too many in high school is a Dad. My little bro is still just a kid in my eyes...with his blonde hair, socks up to his knees and sweat pants in every color...it's just surreal. And, to see how he supported his wife and looked adoringly at his brand new son took my breath away.

I love being an Aunt...it's one of the joys of my life. I fell in love with my niece and nephew at their mere conception and now I have another bundle to watch grow and spoil rotten!

So, to "B" on his birth day...I want you to know that I loved you even before I met you. I loved the idea of you and could barely contain my excitement at the anticipation of your arrival. There is nothing I won't do for you, always and forever. Not that you need reminding, but you are one lucky little boy. You have the best parents anyone could ever ask for. Your mom, well, her smile lights up a room and she brings joy to anyone she meets, instantly. She is the kindest person I have ever met and makes your Dad so happy, I can see it in his eyes. And, your Dad, well he will teach you things beyond your wildest imagination -- his wisdom is deep. I know this because with his big, kind heart, uncanny ability to see the good, calm soul and amazing sense of humor -- he teaches me something about life every day. Oh, and, he loves sports. I imagine he will pass this to you, as my Dad did to him! Your parents have anticipated your arrival with nothing but love and devotion every step of the way. It has been fun to watch and be a part of. Welcome to the world, may your every dream come true! I love you more than I can express in words. Happy birthday!