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My mommy guilt started long before I was "technically" a mother. Did I have one too many sips of Coke? What will happen to my lima-bean-sized baby if I skipped my prenatal vitamins two days in a row? Did I forever ruin MDBs hearing from an extra loud night at the Bon Jovi concert? Little did I know that it would get WAY worse when my kids actually came into this world.
Sometimes the pressure of it all is debilitating. I doubt pretty much every decision I make. I mean, the responsibility of keeping my kids -- who I love more than I ever thought possible and then some -- happy/safe/healthy/loved, can actually take my breath away.
Sometimes, in my states of frazzle, my mom (aka, my rock) says, you don't have to be perfect, you only have to be good enough. As a perfectionist, this is a very hard concept for me to grasp, but I try to let go...if only for a moment.
My friend, former co-worker, blogger and new mom and I have a lot in common (including a therapist parent) and she sometimes takes the words right out of my mouth. It is nice to realize I am not alone, so I will let her sum it up for me -- here.
I really can't believe my little girl is going to be ONE in six short weeks. The time has really flown by.
I remember thinking, after my son was born, that it took forever for him to reach this momentous milestone. I am not sure why, but I couldn't wait for him to turn one. I guess I felt like if I could get him that far, maybe I could actually handle this mothering thing. I feel bad now, rushing all those precious moments, but I couldn't help it. I remember not being able to wait until I could read the next chapter in What To Expect The First Year and get my monthly e-mails from Baby Center.
Now, this second time around, it has gone way faster than I imagined and wanted. I am pretty sure I am not going to do this again...so I want her to stay a little baby just a wee bit longer. While I will be happy to put my pump in permanent storage and not be tied to the house for two naps, there is just something so precious about a baby.
As only babies do...I love when she reaches her chubby little arms in the air for me to pick her up and when she rubs her big blue eyes when she is tired. I love laying her down in her crib and watching her roll over, cuddling her little "lovie" and the HUGE smile on her face when I go in her room first thing in the morning. I love kissing her 10,000 times a day, since she is just too little to tell me to "stop pease."
Since I also know what fun lies ahead, I do look forward to our future together. I am counting down the days until we can get mani/pedis and hit the stores and I know my mom can't wait until we can do tea at The American Girl! But, for these next six weeks, I plan to treasure all the baby moments that I can.
Thank goodness my brother's son will be born in April -- that should tide me over in the baby department...for a while!
So, my excitement over my story being published on the "Safer Chemicals, Healthy Family" Web site was extremely short lived. When I visited the sites Facebook page, I was met by comments, like this:
"ok, so she wants the govt to change legislation so that her "tide" will have to be made less toxic ie..more natural? am I reading this right? Because she didn't like the "natural" versions? there are a million great natural versions of laundry detergent that all come in great qty and great prices and work great, I've used them or known plenty that do. And they work WAY better than any of the conventional junk. Sorry but I just don't understand her point, besides not wanting her kid to eat it."
"I am just trying to get my head around 42 loads of laundry..." (it was an exaggeration, lady!)
"There's no reason why any laundry (or personal care) product should be toxic. Even the so called natural ones are made with solvent extracted ingredients. And what one person chooses to use affects everyone else around them, as entire neighborhoods are polluted when these chemicals are spewed out of dryer vents."
Woa, people. This reminded me when I went online to do research on Organic formula options in case I needed to supplement. I actually read comments from people pretty much calling me and people like me the devil for actually even considering formula. My heart ached for the women who went into these chat rooms for advice on breastfeeding because they were having trouble and people were just vicious and judgmental.
Aren't we all just doing the best that we can? Aren't we all just trying to raise our kids as happy and healthy as possible? And, aren't we supposed to be helpful and supportive of others trying to do the same?
At the end of the day, being so judgmental isn't going to help their cause. We are all just doing the very best we can and we should all be in it together!
It is official...I have been published. No, its not the USA Today or People...but I am proud! And, to boot, it is for a good cause. Check it out...http://saferchemicals.org/. It is on the front page...
Since I have the best dad in the world, it's hard for me to ignore his request to "come up with a new nickname for my first grandchild." I guess he thinks Mad Dog isn't quite endearing enough for his grandson. Since I have repeatedly ingored his pleas for my kids to call him "Bob" or "Coach"...I will comply with this request.
I am a nickname person and I have a lot of them for my son: monkey, mister, little man and tons of version of his name shortened or legnthened depending on my mood (and his!). But, for the sake of this, I will use his initials, MDB. He can't get mad at me for that when he is older, right?!?
I am beyond thankful that my dad loves my kids so much...happy Thanksgiving to you and your families!
