Guess who's on my plane?

Yep, Tim Meadows (aka Principal Duvall) from the best movie ever, Mean Girls.  He's not to shabby on SNL either.  


I love a celebrity sighting and wish I were sitting with him in first class so we could discuss the Burn Book, among other things.


Hope to round off my LA trip with a glimpse at Angelina's new rock!

Five

My baby boy turned five today.  Five, as in starting Kindergarten in the fall.  Five, as in doesn't really call me Mommy anymore.  Five, as in can really go about his day without needing me all that much. Stop. Breath. Okay.

I marvel at this child - my child.  How did someone like me create this perfect, adorable, smart, thoughtful, mischievous, remarkable, loving and wise-beyond-his-years person?  And, with each passing day, it becomes more and more clear that my son is going to leave his mark on this world in some magical and amazing way.

So, to my darling on your 5th birthday,

You woke up this morning at 4:11.  Maybe down to the very moment, five years ago, that I began to feel those first signs of labor, three and a half weeks early.  Your sweet, sleepy-eyed face appeared at our door and a smile as big as the room filled your face the moment I wished you that very first "happy birthday."  This year you knew, you just knew a birthday was a very special day. You were so sweet as I was putting you to sleep last night, that feeling coming over you I so remember as a child -- just too excited to sleep for what you knew was to come.  Oh, I so love reliving those moments through you.

Each year I am surprised at how vividly I remember, like it was yesterday, the moment you were born.  I can still close my eyes and be transported to that day and place, all of the minute details still etched in my mind. It dawned on me today as I was thinking back, that I could see your curiosity with the world, trepidation, kindness and need-to-soak-it-all-in before reacting in your eyes almost instantly. Your big, blue eyes tell the exact same story today.

You, my love, have bettered my life and those who adore you, beyond your wildest imagination.  Your sweet, kind soul...it never ceases to amaze me when your little heart shows love, compassion and empathy more times than not.  And, your vivid imagination and curiosity for the world -- I know I say it all the time, but I can actually see your mind working through your eyes as you stop to process, take it all in and come up with the most thought provoking questions.

You are, hands down, the most unbelievable and amazing big brother.  You probably don't even notice it, but your sister's face literally lights up when you walk into the room.  She just downright adores and worships you.  You are always thinking about her, making sure she is never left out, sad, confused or missing out.  What a gift.  There isn't a luckier little girl on the planet.

Nothing brings a smile to my face more than seeing your dimpled cheeks when you break into your signature grin or hearing your contagious belly laugh.  I marvel at your kindness and understanding towards others and your passion for things you love.  You are a homebody, like your Mom, yet would drop anything for those tried and true things that you know, trust and love. You are a natural at board games and win more times than not, but to you that isn't nearly as important as making sure everyone else gets a turn to win too.  I love your memory -- sometimes I'm downright floored with the things you remember. I adore your sensitivity and applaud your ability to show and share your feelings when they get hurt but also your uncanny capacity to forgive and move on.

You, my darling, are becoming so fiercely independent.  But, thank you for continung to let me shower you with about a million hugs and kisses a day. 

I hope you know today and always how much your Dad, sister and I love and adore you. The happiest of birthdays to you.  Hugs, kisses and touches this night and all nights, always.

XOXO,
Mommy

Finding the Words

Last night, MDB was playing quietly on his floor, right before bed.  He stopped for a moment, looked up at me and said:

MDB:  "Mom, who is your Mom?"
Me:  "Nana"
MDB:  "Well, who is your Dad?"
Me:  "Pop-Pop"
MDB:  "Who is Nana's Mom?"
Me:  "Gre."
MDB:  "Mommy, how come we have never met Pop-Pop's mom?"

I'm fairly certain the wind was knocked out of me for just a moment, as I peered into my boy's baby blues, trying to catch my breath and think of what to say, the perfect thing to say, in that moment. 

You know the scene in the movies, where a million pictures flash before someone's eyes?  That's what happened to me as I contemplated the right interfaith answer, debated lying, dealt with the sudden grief that hit me out of the blue and agonized over some of the pure innocence leaving my sweet, sweet child.

More than life itself I wish my Nan were here to meet my kids.  She would have just adored them.  I miss her, still, after all these years. 

I am that Mom.  The one that desperately tries to shelter her kids from anything bad, longing for them to be innocent and naive as long as humanly possible.  I knew, as the words came out of my mouth countless times, that it was wrong to tell him that squished bugs were sleeping, but death just seemed too scary and real for a child.  Honestly, I would rather talk about sex.

But, questions about death have been on his mind lately.  And, I'm struggling with finding answers.  I actually googled "explaining death to children in Judaism", "explaining death to children in Christianity" and "explaining death to children without landing them in therapy."  I covered all my basis and still don't really know what to say.

So, I told him that when you die you get to be with G-d in heaven and that Pop's mom was in heaven.  I have an tendency to over-explain, and I don't want to scare him, so I left it at that and asked him if he wanted to talk about it more or had questions.  He didn't and moved on to play with his cars.

When I was young, it helped me to think that my Nan was up in the clouds, playing cards with Frank Sinatra or endless rounds of golf - happy and carefree -- always watching over me. 

Man, I wish there were a manual to help with this critical stuff. Through the early years, I read countless books/articles to find the perfect swaddle technique, what to feed and when and more -- but things that help shape their beliefs for years to come -- I feel helpless and speechless (which, if you know me, doesn't happen often).

And, bam, just like that, all those time the hubs and I said, "don't worry, we don't need to face the raising kids with our separate religions issue yet" just reared its head.  And, I really, really want to get this right. 

Any tips out there from people in a similar situation?
  

Neomamma

Thanks to one of my favorite bloggers, Emily at Emphasis Added, for sharing this amazing tribute to new moms.  While it has been almost 5 years, to the day?!?, since I was bestowed the "new mom" title, I still remember those early, helpless, lonely, bleary eyed and amazing days!

Happy Friday!

Twenty-One

the number I hope to see a lot in Las Vegas next week.
the weight of a toddler.
a forever store that I won't see the inside of until I am dragged there by my own teen.
a film with Kevin Spacey that I have never seen...or heard of.
the second album by Adele.
$33.05, in British Pounds.
the amount of weight that I have lost since September!!!

Sorry, had to shout that one from the rooftops! 

Have a great weekend!